"Kahit Paano."

The Realization Conversation. Linggo ng maaga labing-apat na araw ang nakararaan sa aming simbahan, pumanaog ako sa lightboard, binati ako ng aming sound engineer at nagulat siya dahil dumating ako ng maaga tatlong minuto bago magsimula ang aming worship service. (Dahil kadalasan, buzzer beater ang arrival ko before the worship starts. Minsan late pa nga kapag may nangyaring di inaasahan).  Pinatay namin ang tatlong minuto sa usapang ito.

Entrada nya, “Ron, ang aga mo ha, ‘di ako sanay.”

Bigla kong banat, “Napaaga po ba, Sir Butch?”

“Oo ‘ron. Bumaba ka muna, saka ka na lang bumalik pag ilang segundo na lang. Himala kasi eh.”

“Sir, bumabawi lang, nung nakaraan kasi, wala ako.” (due to the editing of our filipino film project).

Umupo na ako sa harap ng lightboard. Nagkaroon ng saglit na katahimikan at kinausap niya ako muli.

“Ron, kamusta? Ga-gradweyt ka na ba?”

Bigla kong tugon, “Opo sir, tapos na boksing, clearance na lang po tas praktis na lang.”

“So kelan ang martsa mo niyan?”

“Sa katapusan po, Sir Butch. Siyanga, ang bilis nga lang po ng panahon eh, parang kailan lang.”

“Oo nga eh, tsk. Dati pangarap mo lang ang makatapos noon, ngayon, eto na’t mangyayari na yung pinapangarap mo.”

“Hindi ko nga masyadong pinapaalam sa iba sir eh, kaunti lang ang nakakaalam (at that time of our conversation). Ayaw ko naman kasi ipangalandakan.”

“Oo nga eh. Sino bang mag-aakala? Hindi nga halata eh”, sabay hagalpak ng tawa.

“Yun nga po sir eh. Kung di ko pa nga sasabihing nag-aaral ako, hindi malalaman ng iba. Haha. Discreet lang po ako.”

Ani pa nya, “ang sabihin mo, ayaw mo lang magpakain, malamang maghahanda ka niyan?”

“Hindi na sir, ok na yung maka-martsa lang, sapat na po iyon.”

At bigla siyang tinawag ng clicker na nagmula sa media room, “Sir, may pre-video po tayo before mag-start, thank you.”

Sampung segundo na lang at magsisimula na ang praise & worship. At dun na naputol ang aming usapan.

Nanariwa sa akin ang usapang iyon sa mga sumunod na araw nang nasa kalagitnaan na ako ng proseso ng pagki-clearance at ang lahat ng kadramahan sa pag-mi-meet ng lahat ng school requirements. Nasabi ko sa sarili ko, “totoo na talaga to. Dati tinitingnan ko lang yung mga nagpa-praktis ng graduation nung nakaraang taon, ngayon, ako na ang mag-pa-praktis kasama ng mga kaklase ko.

Pero hindi magkakaroon ng katapusan ang isang kwento kung wala itong pinagsimulan. At iyon ang siya kong babalik-tanawan.

Backtrack. Hindi talaga ito ang kursong ninais kong pag-aralan, ni sa panaginip ay hindi sumagi sa isip ko. Naireto lang kasi ng kaibigan ng nanay ko ang college institution na ito na pinasukan ko sa nagdaang limang taon. I wanted Mass Communications or Journalism. Psychology was one thing I‘m considering as well. If engineering, I would have pursued one of these: my childhood-answer-sake Industrial, the-engine-hobby-inclined Mechanical, or the supposedly-but-didn’t-became-qualified Aeronautical.

Nalaman kong may kamahalan ang mga tuition fee at miscellaneous expenses. The last course I’ve mentioned had another reason. I graduated from high school with an average point of 82.40 which haven’t reached their qualifying grade of 85. So I ended up taking this course I’ve taken na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa din ako makapaniwalang natapos ko din.

The fees were affordable. I started at 10,500 pesos, all in. And as the year level increases, the tuition fee decreases. I just fully paid 7400+ in my final semester for my last year. (Sana bayaran nila ang pag-advertise ko. Hehe.)

So siyempre, unang saltak sa skul. Find your name and find your room ang peg. At nang makita ko yung room namin (sa una nitong lugar), kung kalidad ang pagbabasehan sa batayan ng mga de-kalibreng institusyon ngayon, Ay. Wala na tayong pag-uusapan. Hindi papasa. :)

Having a good outlook of what college is (at that time) in terms of facilities knowing that it is a state college is very far from what I‘ve expected. The only exception there is that our professors have taught us very well in spite and despite our condition. E since bata pa naman kami nun and I was just 15 when I entered college, anong alam namin? Promding bata pa ako nun. May makikinig kaya sa mga posibleng maging sentimyento naming mga estudyante nung mga panahong iyon? And as days passed by, as I’ve observed, I later found out that the institution has just recently concluded a transition phase from a former college president who was ousted from his office due to his incompetent and poor handling (others have said due to inside corruption happening) in the institution. No wonder as freshmens, we became the beneficiaries of such mismanagement. (marahil kaunti lang sa mga kaklase ko ang nakakaalam nito hanggang ngayon except sa mga nakasabayan kong kaklase na unang gumradweyt last year at yung mga batch na nauna sa amin).

And fast forward but not that quick. Times of discovering.

First year. I always isolate myself to my classmates before. But eventually, some of them initiated to approach me first. Tas yung isang kaklase na iyon, pinakilala ako sa mga bago nyang kakilalang mga kaklase din namin na naging nakapalagayang loob na nya. And so, friendly connections sprung up.

God has really orchestrated connections in my life. In the midst of my blissful innocence, He sent them to help and guide me in my starting days in college. An’ laking tulong nila. Sa isang kaklase ko nga natanggap ang kauna-unahang magandang uniporme na ipinamana sa kanya ng kanyang kuya na siya namang ibingay sa akin na kalauna’y itinago ko na lang din sa cabinet ko dahil itinuring ko na itong alaala ng isang magandang pagsasamahan ng kaklase ko na iyon at ayaw ko nang malaspag ang unipormeng iyon ng husto. Mga black shoes na di na nila ginagamit kasi wala na daw gumagamit sa mga pamilya nila at ibinigay sa akin. Mga lumakad ng papeles ko para maka-enroll ako ng mabilis. Ako naman bilang pakonswelo, tinutulungan ko sila sa mga assignment namin at pakikisamahan ko sila ng maganda.

Collection of class cards on my first semester. I really don’t know the grading system that time. Paano ko malalaman, wala kaming student handbook na binigay sa amin nu’n, ni wala ngang naganap na orientation, yung klaskard ko pa nga nun, di pa pantay ang pagkakahati tas tabingi pa. At natanggap ko ang kauna-unahang tres sa tala ng buhay ko na inakala kong pinakamataas noon. Yun pala ay siyang kabaliktaran. Engineering drawing ang subject.  Sa pagtatanong ko sa mga kaklase ko, dun ko lang napagtanto na pasang-awa pala ang gradong yon.

On my second semester that year, I was forced to stop studying due to an event that really strucked my family. To have a background of that, my uncle bought a public utility vehicle and my dad drives it daily. It was supposed to be ours as the two of them agreed that it will be transferred into my father’s ownership after he returns my uncle’s cash investment through the vehicle’s boundery (upa sa sakyan) that will be remitted to him for two years and a half (amounting to more than a quarter of a million peso). The profit from that transportation business became a good source of income for us as we’ve handled it for a year, enough to supplant the family’s daily needs as well as to supply my tuition fee in college.

And one ordinary day, my uncle abruptly decided to sell the vehicle without our consent. He made that decision to take vengeance about his unresolved issues with my dad at that time. Life didn’t become fair for us when he didn’t consider the possible consequences of his quick decision that could impact us.

It was an enemy’s attack that created a downward spiral for me and my family. My dad and I didn’t know back then the reason behind that unwise step my uncle had made. And so I stopped to give way for my younger siblings to continue their studies. My dad became jobless. Then my mom suffered a mental anxiety disorder which propelled me to become the mother-in-charge of the house as of that moment while my mom is being taken care of my lola for her physical rehabilitation and fast recovery in the province.

And so in those moments of being an out-of-school youth, I indulged myself in doing significant things to help the family and ease the burden my father was shouldering in the best way that I can. This was one of the refinements in me that led to my early maturity. Dito ko lalong naunawaan ang reyalidad ng buhay. But even in the midst of our family’s bleakest situation, pinanghawakan ni tatay ang kanyang pananampalataya at ang Salita ng Diyos. He always tells me at that time, “Paul, kung ako lang ang tatanungin mo, matagal na dapat akong sumuko, pero tandaan mo may Diyos tayo. Hindi niya bibiguin ang sinumang nagtitiwala sa kanya, malalampasan din natin ang lahat ng ito.”

And we continued life from that day moving with endurance.

The Return of the Comeback. At dahil dun, pinili naming maging matatag, wala kaming opsyong mapagpipilian kundi iyon lang. Akala ko, wala na akong kinabukasan. And God has really made a way for me when there seems to be no way. Lumipas ang isang taon at huling linggo ng Oktubre nang taong yon, kinausap si tatay ng kapatid nya, nangamusta ukol sa mga buhay-buhay nila, tinanong kung nag-aaral pa daw ba ako at ano daw kinuha kong kurso. At umuwi si tatay dala ang balitang ang tiyo ko na daw ang magtutustos ng aking tuition fee hanggang makapagtapos ako.

At ayun, asikasong bigla, matapos ang mahabang paliwanagan sa registrar at lahat ng prosesong kailangang kong maisagawa sa madaling salita ay nakabalik akong muli. Nakita ako ng mga kaklase ko na nasa ikalawang taon na’t ga-gradweyt ng associate at nagtanong kung ano daw ang nangyari sa akin. Karamihan sa kanila’y nanghinayang pati mga propesor ko dahil maganda ang karera ko nu’n sa klase at bigla akong nawalang parang bula. They felt sorry about what happened in my family and they have just encouraged me na ituloy ang kurso at wag ko nang itigil pa na siya ko namang ginawa.

Dito rin sa puntong ito ay lumipat na ang skul namin sa bago nitong site sa Piccio Garden (yung color blue na building na tabi ng SLEX ngayon). Dun ko na naramdaman ang pagiging kolehiyo. Bagong gamit, bagong skul, bagong upuan, bago lahat.

Second Year.  Nung first sem, kampante pa ako kasi mahaba pa ang allowance ko for waiting for my OJT. Pero nung second sem, nagsimula na akong mainip dahil wala pa ding natawag sa akin.

This was a year of challenge to me dahil maliban sa kailangan kong bunuin ang 58 units sa dalawang semester na ito (29 units per sem), ay kailangan ko ding makapag-OJT for 420 hours at matapos ito bago dumating ang March to comply the requirement to be an associate graduate and to be qualified to become a third year student. Hindi ko masyadong naasikaso ang paghahanap ng ma-o-OJT-han nu’n dahil bumawi ako sa academics. And knowing na kung walang OJT, ay di ako makakatuloy, nagkaroon ako ng kaunting bagabag.

Syempre, ayaw ko nang itigil muli ang kurso dahil sa nakabalik na ako sa momentum ng pag-aaral ko. So, ginawan ko ng paraan. This was the very last option that I will choose if I will still not be hired by those aviation companies that I’ve passed my resume. And this happened.

It was February that my classmate and I resorted to pay a fake OJT certificate for the sake that we can have that only remaining requirement that we need to complete it all. And so I passed it on the registrar’s office and just waited for the results. But before that semester ends, tinulungan kami ng professor namin na mailakad ang resume namin sa kanyang asawang nagtatrabaho sa AirPhilExpress (now PALexpress) para may pansalo kami sa discrepancies na ginawa naming dalawa sa OJT certificate namin just in-case magka-aberya.

The next week a controversial issue had sparked on our engineering department. And the school’s administration made an investigation about this fake OJT certificate that’s pestering the registrar’s records. There’s this thing called qualifying exam to become a third year student and those students whom they would find this fake certificate in the screening day will not be permitted to take the qualifying exam and be apprehended to continue the course.

And so they’ve found out that they identified 12 students including me who have made that illicit act. We became floating students at that time and the coordinators have told us that we should wait for the decision of the registrar, the administration, and the deans for the consequence of doing such act. For in reality, we are subjected to be expelled from the school for such a grave misconduct.

Then, I prayed and fasted. I asked God that I may find favor in the sight of the professors (who will be the interrogators) on how we acquired that fake certificate, and be convinced in our acceptable reason in the premise of truth and veracity of what really happened and might consider it to pardon our misconduct.

The next day, the screening happened. Ginisa ako nung una sa toyo at suka. But I maintained my composure in the middle of the conversation knowing that God will favor my righteous cause. And so I just told the professors what really happened and I pleaded for them that they may consider my plight, and just as when an aviation company hires me to let me conduct my on-the-job-training there, I would replace the fake with a new, certified one. And the last interrogator had considered my plea because I became his student and he knows my attitude, character and performance in his class, and he guarantees that I can do what I’ve promised.

After all the dramas, the dean and the admin decided to make it pardoned and letting us students graduate and take the qualifying exam since this is the first incident that happened in our batch. I thanked them for their consideration. Then, I extend my deepest praises and gratitude to God when I arrived home.

Third Year.  While I‘m on my vacation, I was called by the aviation company my classmate and I have given our resume to our professor. Yung manugang niyang lalaki ang naglakad ng papel namin. We thanked our professor for the assistance she has given to us to her son-in-law. So after all the interviews and orientations, I started my first day at Airphil. Nakakatuwa lang dahil di strikto yung supervisor ko sa attendance, pwede akong pumasok any day at any free moment until I finish it.  I benefited so much at that opportunity that I became so flexible in my personal commitments and schedules.

Pang-hapon ang naging skedyul kong pinasukan dahil naubusan na ng slot para sa pang-umagang klase na siyang parating skedyul ko pag nag-e-enroll. Bagong mga kaklase. Bagong pakikisama. At dahil sa lower section ang dinayo ko, pinili ako ng mga kaklase kong maging representante ng aming seksyon dahl matino akong tigasin. Meaning, tiga-xerox ng assignment, tiga-kausap ng mga titser namin, tiga-lakad ng mga papasang assignment sa mga sa mga prof, tiga-balita kung di na magkaklase, tiga-post ng announcements. Hayun. For two semesters, ganun ang ginawa ko.

Dahil sa libangan ko din ang magbasa, nawili ako sa pagbabasa ng mga short stores written by various authors in our subject called Philippine Literature kasi tinadtad kami ng titser naming magbasa at unawain ang mga kwentong kanyang ipinapabasa. Which later in turn had influenced and improved my style of delivering and writing my essays na siyang pinapakinabangan ko hanggang ngayon (thank you po, Ma’m Tinay :D) maliban pa sa mga paraan ng pagpapahayag ng mga opinyon ng mga kolumnistang nababasa ko sa dyaryo tulad halimbawa ng Philippine Daily Inquirer.

Dun ko lang din napansin nang nagpa-evaluate ako ng mga grades ko, parating matataas ang mga minor subjects ko surfacing about Social Studies, Literature, at Filipino (which I like the most) tas yung mga majors naglalaro sa dos at walang kamatayang nag-iisang tres.

Matapos ang kulang-kulang anim na buwan, nakumpleto ko ang traning (na puro office work lang) at nakuha ko din ang aking OJT certificate, at ipinasa sa registrar. And at last, the issue about that thing was finally settled.

Fourth Year. Balik pang-umaga ako pagsampa ko ng huling taong ito. Si Lord talaga ang gumagawa ng paraan para di maapektuhan ang aking pag-aaral kahit napapabayaan ko iyon dahil sa dami ng commitments na ginagawa ko kaliwa’t kanan. Kapag sobrang pagod, di na ako pumapasok para makabawi ng pahinga (paminsan minsan iyon kada lunes). O kaya kadalasan kapag di ako makasakay ng jeep dahil punuan sa umaga, late na akong nakakapasok. Kapag ganoon ang nangyari, nakikibalita ako sa mga klasmeyt ko’t babalita nilang wala naman masyadong ginawa nang araw na wala ako, o di naman pumasok ang first class professor namin. Kung pumasok naman at may na-miss akong lecture, nakakabawi naman kaagad ako dahil tinutulungan ako ng mga kaklase ko. Its all because of His grace. I didn’t became worried as I have entrusted my last year to Him in my school. I found favor in the sight of my teachers and professors. And at last, the “tres” had vanished away.

Simula noong nakabalik ako nung second year hanggang ngayon, di ko na iniasa sa mga magulang ko yung aking pamasahe araw-araw. Nakakatuwa lang na maliban sa mga pinagkakakitaan kong mga (kung anu-anong matitinong) sideline noon, God has also touched other people to bless and support me financially which sustained my daily needs. Saka lang ako hihingi sa kanila pag talagang wala na akong pera. It came to my senses since then that money is really so hard to earn yet so easy to be spent so I have to use such tool wisely.

Lalo na nung nitong huling sem sa thesis ko (ay, namin pala) na sadyang nakapanlalata sa dami ng dapat ayusin at sundin. I said to myself, the life lessons I‘ve learned at this thesis writing cannot be harnessed overnight. It takes discipline, patience and endurance in order for me to accomplish a certain goal. It imparted and confirmed things inside of me. An individual who has meticulously and painstakingly made a research study or thesis will understand what I’m talking about.

I also honored God in my studies in terms of my finances. I see to it that I‘ll set aside quickly the tithe of my whole tuition fee as my auntie gives it to me at every start of the semester. Whatever belongs to Him must be given to Him. I applied this principle since then knowing that as I honor God in this aspect, he will guide me, provide for me, and take care of everything that which concerns me about my studies. And so I didn’t became so much surprised if the results were obvious. For it was just the expected. :)

God’s Goodness. No words can express how good God really is in my life. Life becomes so much better when you decide not to care so much.* Being aware that he’s taking care of me, I became confident that I‘ll finish this course successfully. In the midst of hard times, I just relied upon His grace and power to work on my behalf to get things accomplished. The more I am being pressured, the more I see to it that I should be relaxed and composed. Yes, there were times that I would just surrender and give up. But God.

That “but God” moments really pulled me up when I was almost being deeply drowned in every circumstance. Hindi na ako namroblema ng husto nang naunawaan ko ng husto ang revelation na iyon as I progress in my studies and as I grow in my walk with God as well.

Bloopers. Salamat sa mga jeepney driver na kapag sinenyasan ko ng aking kamao ay titigil sa harap ko dahil pasasabitin nila ako at pag pinalad-palad pa na walang bumaba, mula bahay hanggang Baclaran, nakaupo ako sa estrabo ng jeep. Gusgusin akong bata kapag pumasok. Self-defense ko kasi iyon. Sino ba naman ang papansin sa taong mukhang yagit ang itsura? Di halata kung saka-sakaling may daan-daan at libu-libo akong dala karga-karga ang attaché case ko? And speaking of my attaché case, subok na siyang matatag. Iningatan nya ang mga notbuk kong ginagamit simula pa noong first year. Dalawang bagong notbuk lang ang nadagdag sa tropang thunders. The new notebooks joined the group two years ago. Pinagmukha akong attorney ng bag ko na iyon pero di niya pinasakit ang likod ko. Di ko na talaga nagamit yung feature niyang self-defense mode (pambalya’t panghambalos) tsk. Tapos na pala kontrata nya sa akin. You deserve a peaceful rest after 6 years. Haha.

Pumapasok ako nang naka-crocs dahil ayaw ko gamitin yung aking nag-iisang black shoes na nirereserba ko sa parating na graduation.** At dahil dun, kinon-fiscate ng isang guard yung ID ko. Sa lahat ng limang guard na nagbabantay at nagpapasok sa akin ng halos isang semester na ganun ang suot kong sapatos (dahil marahil naintindihan nila na mas importante ang makapag-aral kesa sa ikunsidera ang panlabas na anyo), siya lang ang bukod-tanging nakasita. At sa madaling sabi, gumarahe sa OSA ang ID ko for the past 2 months. Yung mga klasmeyt ko nagtataka kung paano ako nakakapasok. Hehe. And speaking of that ID, hanggang sa mga oras na ito ay hindi ko pa din nakukuha hanggang ngayon. At wala na akong plano. Buong puso ko nang iniaatang sa kanila ang ID ko na iyon na ayaw nila i–release even though I followed all the requirements they need me to comply.

Salamat sa tres na pineapple juice na nagtitinda sa labas ng skul. Ikaw ang naging likidong sa aki’y nagbigay buhay.

The Conclusion. Those were the highlights of the important events that happened during my college days. Those memorable days that will forever be a part of my history. The moments of realization that imparted so much in my life. The demonstration of God’s faithfulness and goodness in me in the years of my study. As I reminisce all of those, it gives a smile on my lips. And I will just smile. For that smile will be a remembrance of my wonderful experience and becoming a part of my colorful history.

Hindi ko na inatim na mabigyan ng natatanging pagkilala. Even though that’s good, di ko na inasam. Sabi nga ni Dong Abay, “ok lang kahit wala kang honor. Ang edukasyon naman ay di paramihan ng diploma. trophy at medalya.” Ang mahalaga ay di ka mabubuhay bilang isang mangmang.

Pagbati ng Pasasalamat.  Lord, thank you for the years you have been with me. You deserve all the highest praises and glory in this another milestone you’ve helped me to reach.

Nais ko pasalamatan sunod ang aking mga magulang. Kung wala sila, wala ako. (malamang). :) Ang kanilang walang humpa’y na suporta’t panalangin ay hindi matutumbasan ng kung ano paman.

Kay Tito Rey at Tita Hilda, na pinamuhunanan ang lahat ng aking gastusin sa pag-aaral, at heto’t nagkaroon na ng bunga. Tulad nga ng banggit parati ni Papa sa inyo, ang Diyos na buhay ang siyang magbabalik ng lahat ng pinagkaloob niyo sa akin sa inyo.

Kela Pastor Rean at Ate Arlene, sa pagsuporta sa aking pamasahe noon weekly at kay spongebob (Celeron Laptop). Ang laptop na ito ang nagpatunay na mahirap mabuhay kapag walang U and I (you know what I mean. Hehe). Ang Panginoon na lang din ang siyang reresbak sa inyo para sa akin.

Kela Pastor Paul and Pastora Heidi, dahil po sa inyo, nabayaran ko na po lahat ng aking liabilities sa skul, Thank you very much po.

Sa mga kaklase ko na naging bahagi sa lakbaying ito, salamat din sa inyo. Magiging bahagi kayo ng aking magagandang alaala.

Sa mga tropa ng multicab drivers and operators na parating libre kapag sumabit ako o kapag nag-duty ako bilang dispatcher sa magagandang tip na binibigay nila sa akin kapag naninigil ako sa terminal namin.

Kay kuya Richard, sa tiwala sa pagmamaneho ng kanyang pampasadang multicab, pinansyal na suporta, at pakain after I drive Him home.

Gayundin sa mga kumare, ate, kumpare, kuya, mga “frends” and my leaders inside the church, sa mga nananalangin din sa akin (kung meron man). Lahat kayo’y may kontribusyon sa kung ano ako ngayon.

Consummatum Est. I know all of the graduates have their own story to share and tell on how they’ve endured and how they’ve gone through with their college days. But I can humbly say that my story is one of the stories that are worth sharing, and to justify the writing of this long (and probably-you-can-be-sleepy-because-of-this-lengthy) essay, worth recording. :)

Sila mama’t papa kasi, they never finished college. Wala silang makuwento sa akin on how they finished their promising courses they’ve taken back then. And in the future, just as I’ve found my “good thing” from the Lord, and we can have children, kapag nag-college din sila, I have a story to tell. :D

And at this moment, sa mga estudyanteng nag-aaral pa rin sa ngayon na makakabasa nito, panghugutan din nila ng inspirasyon at tapusin ang kanilang nasimulan kaakibat ang Diyos na siyang magiging kasama nila sa panahon ng kanilang pagkatuto. No sweet words. Just reality.  At least, may istorya akong masasabi. At least, may mga bagay ako na pwede kong maimungkahi kung kinakailangan bunga ng aking mga naranasan.

At may mayaman na kuwento akong maibabahagi…

kahit paano. :D

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*a quote form my sister abby’s cp.

**I have a new black shiny one. (yeah, na hindi ko pa din gagamitin). :D

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Ipinapaabot ko sa lahat ng mga ga-gradweyt ang aking maligayang pagbati sa mga katulad kong magsisipagtapos sa taong ito. Ang inyong inilaang pagpapagal ay nararapat bigyan ng isang makabuluhang pagbubunyi.

Sa Diyos ang pinakamataas na papuri!