It was 10:30 pm. I was
sitting inside a convenience store at Alabang. I bought a chocolate drink
paired with ham and cheese sandwich and ate it inside. I rested for a while
after I drove back our church vehicle in our church. I felt so tired that
Sunday night because I have not recovered an enough rest from driving a church
mate in two different wedding locations last night. All that I’m thinking while
eating were rest and sleep.
Then, I saw a young
street boy having a short talk with the guard outside. Eventually, he got
inside and bought dingdong nuts. I looked at him shortly and continued eating
my snack. As I glanced at him again, I found out that he was sniffing solvent
inside a plastic bag as he went outside.
Suddenly, an unction
began to rise inside my heart, I thought, “Oh
no, not this time.” That unction leads me to go to the boy to share who
Christ is.
Thoughts of discussion
roused immediately in my mind.
The first thought says, “I’m so tired. I’m not ready to do it.”
The second thought
replied, “Are you selfish of My love that
I gave for you? Talk to him after you eat.”
“I don’t feel I can do it right now. I deserve rest.”
“Will you pass this given opportunity to share My love for him? That
indicates your ungratefulness.”
After all the arguments,
I realized, I need to decide. I chose not to talk with the boy and convinced
myself that I’ll be heading towards the waiting area for vehicles that I will
ride going back home. After a few steps away from the store, I saw three street
kids sitting in front of a pizza restaurant. I justified my excuse the second
time around but the tension in the inside of me escalated. The unction now
became a conviction. I sensed a deep pulling conviction in my heart as I was
walking away from them.
I am determined to
suppress it. I know I can get over with it if I just walked away.
Well, guess what? I
stopped and went back.
I went back and started
to talk with these three street kids. I called the young boy that I saw and I
have found out that he’s along with them. In my questions, I found out that no
one ever dared to share them before how to accept Christ as their Lord and
Savior. I became so honest and told them that I don’t want to do what I am
doing to them right now but God has set this time for a purpose that they may
know the love of God through receiving Jesus. I told them that God wants them
to know that God loves them; that God can transform their hearts; that God has
a plan for them and that He can give them a bright future whatever the
situation they have right now (in Filipino language).
And eventually, I led
them to a prayer of salvation. They responded.
After that, I left them
for a while and returned for the four of them with hotdog sandwiches to fill
their empty stomachs. To be honest, until that point, I am still reluctant to
do it because I’m saving that money to fix my bicycle the next day.
A thought had sprung out
in my mind that pacified my argument. “You
can give without loving but you cannot love without giving.”
I began to process those
things after I gave the sandwich and left them. I felt rebuked as I have found
myself insisting my own senseless excuse. It posed a question inside of me. “How can you respond to My love if you don’t
reach out to those whom I love too?” I was so convicted and eventually
repented.
I realized that it’s not
me. It’s the love of Christ that’s settling inside of my heart that produced
that force that made me respond even if my mind does not agree with it. Being
led by Christ’s love has moved me to go beyond what is expected.
And so love has changed
the way I should see them. As it is written in the Amplified version of 2
Corinthians 5:14, “For the love of Christ
controls and urges and impels us…”By embracing the awareness of the love of
Christ that dwells in my heart, it became my turning point which made me decide
to return for them. And that was also my lesson point for me to experience how
it is to be moved by Christ’s love.
Our God is not bothered
with our excuses. He doesn’t mind if we find our way to justify our reasons.
But in the process, He will surely make a way for you to fulfill it and you
cannot argue with Him.
Our reasons and excuses
can’t win. His love, in the end, only wins.
