Life

My sister and I are talking as we are traveling back home after attending a young adults gathering from our church. We rode into a utility vehicle and sat on the utmost end of the seat. As we are moving, my sister is scrolling her smartphone and she blurted out about those people who took suicide last week.

To my curiosity, I asked her what their backgrounds were. She told me that these people are rich and famous at the same time, well-known and are talented in doing their line of expertise.

We are continuously exchanging our personal viewpoints about how did these people made suicide a way of escapism for them.

After all that we discussed, we agreed on a fact that we’re grateful enough to realize that inspite of what we have experienced before and what we will be going through in our lives in the future, we will never consider it as an option.

That the upbringing that we had gives the credit to our parents who are God-fearing and instilled to us the importance of living a life that is dependent on God. And we cannot imagine our lives if we live it apart from Him. Grateful enough also to say that we have a family and great (but few close) friends that we can be honest to talk to. Aside from them, there’s this Higher Being that we believe we can talk to, someone Whom we can cast our burdens, someone Who can listen, and someone Who can penetrate the anxieties of our hearts when we’re down and frustrated at times.

And only in Him, we have Life.

A life that may not be perfect but a life worth living for. A Life that may not be extravagant but a life well-lived for. A life that may seem so unfair but not defeated. A life by this world’s definition would be success, fame, riches and possessions, but by God’s definition, is found in His Son.

In the middle of these realizations, my sister is talking simultaneously with her best friend on messenger having same discussions about depression. Then, as she let me read their conversation, I found out that he had tendencies of suicide back then.

After reading all of those exchanges of messages, I told my sister to send him this following sentences.

“Whoever has the Son has life. Whoever does not have the Son does not have life.”

It added the emphasis on what my sister and I talking about and said to her that where else can a man find life apart from Him? After a few minutes, her friend replied with a smiling face with it.

Oh, how foolish and deceiving it is for a man to define this life alone on what an individual does, attains, achieves and what it is happening, moving, and passing under the sun. Yet in the end, he will still find himself empty and void.

Where in fact, life will have its meaning when it is connected above it where Someone lives and is desperately wanting to reside and live in the inside of us. And our life will never lose its significance when it is anchored to the One who gives life in this ocean of reality when lived apart from Him counts to vanity.

This is only attainable in having a personal and experiential relationship with Jesus.

And His Spirit of truth (as part of the benefits of having Him) never wavers throughout the ages to let this simple truth occur in the minds and the hearts of every individual when situations and circumstances come in whatever state all of us could be whether it may be high or low, happy or sad, success or failure, fruitfulness or barrenness, fullness or lack that I myself am privileged to receive to serve as a reminder in this generation.

And it is this.

There is only God-sized vacuum in our lives that only He can fill. Not success, not fame, not achievements, nor riches, nor worldly fulfillment, nor anything.

Not even death.

6/8/2018

Behind the Front Seats.

And at that moment again, there was this silence.

The silence that superseded the voice where the driver tuned in the radio inside the car. The silence that made my ears appreciate the quietness it brings that even the voice from the smartphone guiding the driver about where he’ll drop me off became imperturbable. The silence that made me observe for a while as I was heading home bringing gifts and stuff from a blessed friend and settle myself on the back seat at that fast and hassle-free travel.

And what amazed me during that moment was, I tried to observe what I did and the discoveries, (well, revelation through affirmations, I could say) that were unfolded in my mind (starting from a moment of reflection on so many things, identified it, and progressed eventually into an evidence of the manifestation of something that has been presaged in me some time ago).

It was a silence that made my soul to be still, not because I’m obliged to, but was chosen, given that I’ll be receiving something again in that time of quietude. And I wasn’t wrong. My anticipation paved the way for its transpiration.

I was awestruck.

As my eyes have seen the speedometer’s gauge pointing at 120 kilometers per hour and shifted to the road that we are traversing and the vehicles that are moving as the driver overtakes and swiftly passes by. My eyes have acknowledged a picture which turned out to be a glimpse of the events in my life that God has fulfilled in the course of time. A glimpse that has presented a proof of determining the essence of what life is all about. A glimpse that showcases the grandiosity and the fullness of God’s power and His goodness working evidently in every single event that transpired in my life. A glimpse that tells the smooth path that I’ll continue to journey in the days and years to come. A glimpse that shows a demonstration.

That the blessed life which I am living now makes this life great. Not because things, events, money or anything had made it great, but because I have a great God.

And from that glimpse, words of affirmation began to resonate in the inside of me.

My Son, continue to move forward.

Not only for the sake of reaching the final goal

But also for the reason of experiencing this life that you offered to live for me that,

as you’ve seen its simplicity you have found its beauty.

That is to become like Me and be like Me to those people who needs Me.

You’ll have a long way to go. Yes. I know that.

But the fact that you are passing on the right lane

And I’m guiding you with the right directions makes Me confident

That you will reach without delay your appointed destination.

Others may think that the route that you are passing through to them

is somewhat tedious and boring.

But actually the way that I’m showing you is the only way to reach it faster.

I am confident that you know where and when you need to slow down.

I will see to it that you will enjoy your journey.

Not because you earned it or you worked for it. But because you deserve it.

If back then, you are the one who’s teaching along the way,

this time you’ll enjoy learning more. Actually, you’ve learned a lot already.

But there are things that I want you to unlearn

That you may learn the things that I want you to learn.

Fix your eyes on me.

Not because I’m only commanding you but I want to protect you.

From anything that will entice you to look on those worthless things.

I know the frailty of your heart, and even if you’ll miss the mark,

I am committed to bring your eyes back to me and revive you in My Word.

Sit back, lean, and relax.

You don’t need to worry about anything. Everything’s got covered.

And I want you to rest and enjoy its benefits. And from that place of rest,

you will find increase. And from that increase, you can give more and bless others.

You just need to rest first. Like what you did there inside the car and to its driver.

Oh, I long to let My Presence always go with you.

For that will be the source of your soul to continually

respond to the insatiable demands of life.

And you don’t have to do it alone.

Be assured that I will be your companion wherever you go.

And if we need to go, we’ll go. If we need to stop, we’ll stop.

I will be your strength when you are weak. I will be your courage when you’re in fear.

I will resurrect to life the things that you thought were incontestably dead a long time ago.

I will never ever leave you, nor forsake you. Because you have known me, I have called you to do great exploits.

I wish I could put those glimpses in a recorder and watch it again on a big screen for others to see but I thought its best to save it first in a special place in my heart. Who knows? God can bring someone who can collaborate and share with me someday the joy of experiencing more of His promises and leave us astounded.

Well, I entrust it to my faith that has this trip that’s more powerful than me.

I have personally enjoyed the experience to take that vehicle service that night. (Because I need to wake up tomorrow to serve for a Sunday service). A privilege to sit at the back behind the front seats. Knowing that I am also driving for someone and always used to commute and hang myself to those utility vehicles that I’m riding while I travel, I can say that that was one of the pleasurable rides that I had indeed. An honorable seat where a flashback has been played for me to see to set an atmosphere of expectation of God’s moving in my life in the days and years to come.

As we are nearly approaching the place where he will drop me off, I looked in my paper bag something I could give to him to appreciate his effort to drive for me on a new year’s eve. As he pulled over his car at the unloading zone, my senses are gradually returning back to its sanity. I placed something at the passenger’s seat and spoke my greetings.

I was very grateful to my friend to call for that vehicle service and arrived at home early than I expected if I’ll be commuting. And I have appreciated more the fact why I enjoyed the vehicle’s service that night.

It was already paid.

And as I stepped out of the car bringing all the stuff that I have and pushed the door to close, the moment of silence suddenly vanished.

----
A coincident sequel of the essay "Behind the Steering Wheel" dated January 5, 2015 written also in this blog.

Usapang Mesa.

It was Tuesday night and I arrived in our house, tired and hungry because of a whole day’s worthwhile activity. Habang naghahanda ako ng hapunan, dumating si Mama mula sa Bible school at inimbita kong kumain kasama ko.

After 10 minutes, my sister Abby arrived as well, and also my father who’s removing his shoes outside as both of them came from a Christian seminar from Bacoor Government Center.

Tas nagbihis si Papa ng damit pambahay. Inaya ni Mama na sumalo siya sa amin kumain, at umupo siya sa tabi nito.

And I started to strike a conversation with my parents.

“Tsk, parang naninibago ako sa mga ginagawa ko ngayon. Mukhang kailangan kong mag-adjust.”

“Galing ka bang training niyan?”’, usisa ni Mama.

“Oo, ‘ma. May dalawa pa kong papapirmahan para matapos ko yung courtesy call ko sa mga officers. Pag nakapirma na sila, official na akong makapagsimula.”

“May ginagawa ba kayo doon?”

“Sa ngayon, wala kasi ayos pa naman yung mga helicopter nila, pero kapag kailangan nang check-up-in, saka sila huhugot ng mga trainee para tumulong depende sa workload. Since marami ding OJT dun ang mi-minsang naka-standby, plano ko kapag may driving sa church, mag-drive muna ako. Pag may mga araw na bakante ako pagkatapos ng klase, saka ako papasok para di sayang oras.”

Biglang nagsalita si Papa habang kumakain ng vegetable tocino na ayaw kong kainin, “Mapapagod ka ng husto niyan, Paul. Pano yung NTC mo?” 

“Pagsasabayin ko na lang. Ang kagandahan naman ay flexible ang oras ko dahil mahaba yung duration ng training. Wala akong hahabuling oras. Kailangan ma-manage ko ng husto yung oras ko sa ibang bagay.”

“Ganun na nga. Tiyagain mo na iyan. Open door na ni Lord iyang training mo at timing na nakapasok ka diyan. Ingatan mo lang yang katawan mo. Balansehin mo lang. Dapat magbawas ka na ng commitments mo.”

“Siyanga, Pa, paunti-unti. Kailangan ko nang makapahinga ng maaga para may laban ako kinabukasan. San pala kayo ni Abby galing niyan?”

“Diyan sa munisipyo, may inatenan kaming seminar. Ang ganda ng shi-nare nung faliciteyto, ano ba yun? Falici….”

“‘Facilitator. Tungkol saan yung shi-nare niya?’”, usisa ko. Nakinig kaming dalawa ni Mama.

“May tatlong tanong yung facilitator na nag-seminar sa amin, pero heto yung tanong na nag-stick sa akin na ipinasagot niya sa seminar. Sabi niya, ‘Kung dadating si Hesus sa harapan niyo ngayon at kausapin kayo, anong itatanong niyo o sasabihin niyo sa kanya?’ Pinakinggan ko yung sagot ni Abby, sabi niya, ‘Pa, tatanong ko kung bakit ganito ako mag-isip, ganito ang ugali ko, bakit ako yung pinili mo.’ Ngayon ko lang na-realize na ganun kababaw pa yung faith ni Abby sa mga ganong bagay.”

“Sa akin nga ‘pa, kanina medyo nadi-discourage ako habang nandun ako sa loob ng compound, para akong pinanghihinaan ng loob kasi parang back to square one ako uli.”

“Alam mo’ nak, ang kalaban, magbabato sa iyo ng thoughts of discouragement, pero tapatan mo siya ng salita ng Diyos. You declare the word of God.”

“Siyanga ‘tay kanina habang nandun ako nag-declare ako, ‘Thank you Lord that you do not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind.’ Yung sound mind dun is the discipline para magpatuloy.”

“Tama iyan, ‘nak. Ideklara mo yung Word pag nakaka-encounter ka ng ganyang mga bagay. Yung tipong balisa ka tas di mo alam gagawin, say the Word. Heto kasi iyon eh, maraming tao ang may alam na may Diyos pero hindi nila nararanasan yung personal intimacy na dapat meron tayo sa kanya. Ako ‘nak, sa tagal ko nang pagiging Kristiyano, napatunayan ko mismo na hindi ako pinabayaan ng Diyos, naranasan ko yung intimacy ng aking relasyon sa kanya. 

Why do you experience yang mga bagay na iyan? Kasi it is an opportunity for you to know him deeper. Lumalalim pa ang pagkakakilala mo sa kanya and you are becoming more dependent on God. Marami kasing iba, kahit Kristiyano na, pag may problema saka lang lalapit pag may kailangan, pag na-solve na o natanggap na, sila na uli ang may kontrol ng buhay nila.

"Sa mga ganyang pagkakataon, you declare the Word and faith arises from your heart. You begin to learn na mag-depende din sa Holy Spirit. Tanungin mo ang Holy Spirit pag nababalisa ka, ‘Lord, ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin? Lord, ano po bang gusto niyong ipaunawa sa akin?’ And receive it and apply it. Para maranasan mo yung truth of God’s Word sa buhay mo pag isinabuhay mo kasi kapag pinatotoo mo iyan, powerful iyan, may impact iyan sa iba kapag shi-nare mo.”

Bigla akong nahimasmasan. Ani ko, “Oo nga no, ‘tay, bigla akong naliwanagan dun ha. So good to be reminded, Pa.” (Dahil I was thinking for the past few days how will I juggle my commitments and I’m a bit anxious and unsettled). Then I whispered a short prayer of repentance against self-sufficiency while he’s still exhorting. I was greatly reminded of those simple things and right there and then, I felt in myself that I retuned back on my track.

"Ganun kasi iyon anak ang advantage mo sa mundo pag kasama't kilala mo na ang Diyos. Nakikita mo yung mga bagay based on God's perspective. Kapag you have the wisdom that comes from God, it brings life, and light sa mga nakakarinig, leaving them encouraged. As you grow in God, madi-discern mo yung mga bagay na dapat mong maintindihan at malaman as you have this journey with God.

“Ganun pala yun no, Pa. Kaya nung nag-pray ako and I declared that verse, biglang umaliwalas yung ulap na maitim dun sa barracks at nawala yung parang veil sa isip ko.”

“Ayos iyan anak. You are growing more and more. Yan ang gusto kong matutunan niyo habang nandiyan kayo sa edad na iyan.”

Then I paused for a short while and ate a spoon full of rice and hot noodles while still pondering what my dad talked about. Then he continued.

“Balik tayo dun sa sharing kanina. Natuwa lang ako sa mga sagot nila. Pati sa sagot ni Abby. Pagkatapos nilang sumagot lahat, ako yung huling sumagot. Sabi ko, ‘Maganda yung lahat ng mga sagot niyo. Pero kung ako tatanungin, isa lang sasabihin ko.’

“Salamat Panginoon at pinili mo ako.” 

“Hindi niyo ba na-realize na sa dami-dami ng tao sa mundo, sa dami-dami ng mga taong busy sa labas at nagtatrabaho, kumakayod at nag-uubos ng oras sa iba’t ibang bagay, lahat tayo ay nandito sa lugar na ito para makinig at makatanggap ng buhay mula sa kanya? Na tinatanggap niyo yung napaka-importanteng bagay sa buhay na hindi natatanggap ng iba? At dahil pinili ka niya, mula sa kadiliman, inilipat ka niya sa kaliwanagan? Hindi ka niya pinili dahil mayaman ka o qualified ka. Pinili ka niya kasi may plano siya sa iyo. Gusto ka niyang bigyan ng buhay. At kay sarap pasalamatan ang ganoong pribilehiyo.”

“Natuwa ako dun eh, nagpapakanta si Abby dun sa praise and worship kahit na may ugali pa na dapat mabago sa kanya. Pero ayos lang yun, nasa proseso pa si Abby ng pagkaunawa.”

“Oo nga kuya, napaisip ako nun nung tinanong sa amin yun kanina”, ani ni Abby na nagsusukat ng bagong bigay na damit galing kay Tiya Buleng sa aming malaking salamin.

“Kaya nga pasalamatan niyo na pinili kayo ng Diyos, kasi yung mga bagay na tinanggap niyo simula nung na-Born Again tayo ay hindi kayang tumbasan ng pera. At habang lumalaki kayo, sa ganyang edad maigi nang nauunawaan niyo ang mga bagay na iyan”, ani ni Papa na matapos kumain ay tumayo sa upuan at pumunta sa sala.

Napansin kong tapos na din kami kumain pagkatapos ng maiksing usapan na iyon. I saw in my father’s eyes the joy of giving us that simple wisdom that encouraged me and Abby as well. 

At nang nanahimik na si Papa, nagpulasan kaming dalawa ni Mama sa mesa, dala ko ang kinainang pinggan, tinidor, at kutsara. :)