"Kahit Paano."

The Realization Conversation. Linggo ng maaga labing-apat na araw ang nakararaan sa aming simbahan, pumanaog ako sa lightboard, binati ako ng aming sound engineer at nagulat siya dahil dumating ako ng maaga tatlong minuto bago magsimula ang aming worship service. (Dahil kadalasan, buzzer beater ang arrival ko before the worship starts. Minsan late pa nga kapag may nangyaring di inaasahan).  Pinatay namin ang tatlong minuto sa usapang ito.

Entrada nya, “Ron, ang aga mo ha, ‘di ako sanay.”

Bigla kong banat, “Napaaga po ba, Sir Butch?”

“Oo ‘ron. Bumaba ka muna, saka ka na lang bumalik pag ilang segundo na lang. Himala kasi eh.”

“Sir, bumabawi lang, nung nakaraan kasi, wala ako.” (due to the editing of our filipino film project).

Umupo na ako sa harap ng lightboard. Nagkaroon ng saglit na katahimikan at kinausap niya ako muli.

“Ron, kamusta? Ga-gradweyt ka na ba?”

Bigla kong tugon, “Opo sir, tapos na boksing, clearance na lang po tas praktis na lang.”

“So kelan ang martsa mo niyan?”

“Sa katapusan po, Sir Butch. Siyanga, ang bilis nga lang po ng panahon eh, parang kailan lang.”

“Oo nga eh, tsk. Dati pangarap mo lang ang makatapos noon, ngayon, eto na’t mangyayari na yung pinapangarap mo.”

“Hindi ko nga masyadong pinapaalam sa iba sir eh, kaunti lang ang nakakaalam (at that time of our conversation). Ayaw ko naman kasi ipangalandakan.”

“Oo nga eh. Sino bang mag-aakala? Hindi nga halata eh”, sabay hagalpak ng tawa.

“Yun nga po sir eh. Kung di ko pa nga sasabihing nag-aaral ako, hindi malalaman ng iba. Haha. Discreet lang po ako.”

Ani pa nya, “ang sabihin mo, ayaw mo lang magpakain, malamang maghahanda ka niyan?”

“Hindi na sir, ok na yung maka-martsa lang, sapat na po iyon.”

At bigla siyang tinawag ng clicker na nagmula sa media room, “Sir, may pre-video po tayo before mag-start, thank you.”

Sampung segundo na lang at magsisimula na ang praise & worship. At dun na naputol ang aming usapan.

Nanariwa sa akin ang usapang iyon sa mga sumunod na araw nang nasa kalagitnaan na ako ng proseso ng pagki-clearance at ang lahat ng kadramahan sa pag-mi-meet ng lahat ng school requirements. Nasabi ko sa sarili ko, “totoo na talaga to. Dati tinitingnan ko lang yung mga nagpa-praktis ng graduation nung nakaraang taon, ngayon, ako na ang mag-pa-praktis kasama ng mga kaklase ko.

Pero hindi magkakaroon ng katapusan ang isang kwento kung wala itong pinagsimulan. At iyon ang siya kong babalik-tanawan.

Backtrack. Hindi talaga ito ang kursong ninais kong pag-aralan, ni sa panaginip ay hindi sumagi sa isip ko. Naireto lang kasi ng kaibigan ng nanay ko ang college institution na ito na pinasukan ko sa nagdaang limang taon. I wanted Mass Communications or Journalism. Psychology was one thing I‘m considering as well. If engineering, I would have pursued one of these: my childhood-answer-sake Industrial, the-engine-hobby-inclined Mechanical, or the supposedly-but-didn’t-became-qualified Aeronautical.

Nalaman kong may kamahalan ang mga tuition fee at miscellaneous expenses. The last course I’ve mentioned had another reason. I graduated from high school with an average point of 82.40 which haven’t reached their qualifying grade of 85. So I ended up taking this course I’ve taken na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa din ako makapaniwalang natapos ko din.

The fees were affordable. I started at 10,500 pesos, all in. And as the year level increases, the tuition fee decreases. I just fully paid 7400+ in my final semester for my last year. (Sana bayaran nila ang pag-advertise ko. Hehe.)

So siyempre, unang saltak sa skul. Find your name and find your room ang peg. At nang makita ko yung room namin (sa una nitong lugar), kung kalidad ang pagbabasehan sa batayan ng mga de-kalibreng institusyon ngayon, Ay. Wala na tayong pag-uusapan. Hindi papasa. :)

Having a good outlook of what college is (at that time) in terms of facilities knowing that it is a state college is very far from what I‘ve expected. The only exception there is that our professors have taught us very well in spite and despite our condition. E since bata pa naman kami nun and I was just 15 when I entered college, anong alam namin? Promding bata pa ako nun. May makikinig kaya sa mga posibleng maging sentimyento naming mga estudyante nung mga panahong iyon? And as days passed by, as I’ve observed, I later found out that the institution has just recently concluded a transition phase from a former college president who was ousted from his office due to his incompetent and poor handling (others have said due to inside corruption happening) in the institution. No wonder as freshmens, we became the beneficiaries of such mismanagement. (marahil kaunti lang sa mga kaklase ko ang nakakaalam nito hanggang ngayon except sa mga nakasabayan kong kaklase na unang gumradweyt last year at yung mga batch na nauna sa amin).

And fast forward but not that quick. Times of discovering.

First year. I always isolate myself to my classmates before. But eventually, some of them initiated to approach me first. Tas yung isang kaklase na iyon, pinakilala ako sa mga bago nyang kakilalang mga kaklase din namin na naging nakapalagayang loob na nya. And so, friendly connections sprung up.

God has really orchestrated connections in my life. In the midst of my blissful innocence, He sent them to help and guide me in my starting days in college. An’ laking tulong nila. Sa isang kaklase ko nga natanggap ang kauna-unahang magandang uniporme na ipinamana sa kanya ng kanyang kuya na siya namang ibingay sa akin na kalauna’y itinago ko na lang din sa cabinet ko dahil itinuring ko na itong alaala ng isang magandang pagsasamahan ng kaklase ko na iyon at ayaw ko nang malaspag ang unipormeng iyon ng husto. Mga black shoes na di na nila ginagamit kasi wala na daw gumagamit sa mga pamilya nila at ibinigay sa akin. Mga lumakad ng papeles ko para maka-enroll ako ng mabilis. Ako naman bilang pakonswelo, tinutulungan ko sila sa mga assignment namin at pakikisamahan ko sila ng maganda.

Collection of class cards on my first semester. I really don’t know the grading system that time. Paano ko malalaman, wala kaming student handbook na binigay sa amin nu’n, ni wala ngang naganap na orientation, yung klaskard ko pa nga nun, di pa pantay ang pagkakahati tas tabingi pa. At natanggap ko ang kauna-unahang tres sa tala ng buhay ko na inakala kong pinakamataas noon. Yun pala ay siyang kabaliktaran. Engineering drawing ang subject.  Sa pagtatanong ko sa mga kaklase ko, dun ko lang napagtanto na pasang-awa pala ang gradong yon.

On my second semester that year, I was forced to stop studying due to an event that really strucked my family. To have a background of that, my uncle bought a public utility vehicle and my dad drives it daily. It was supposed to be ours as the two of them agreed that it will be transferred into my father’s ownership after he returns my uncle’s cash investment through the vehicle’s boundery (upa sa sakyan) that will be remitted to him for two years and a half (amounting to more than a quarter of a million peso). The profit from that transportation business became a good source of income for us as we’ve handled it for a year, enough to supplant the family’s daily needs as well as to supply my tuition fee in college.

And one ordinary day, my uncle abruptly decided to sell the vehicle without our consent. He made that decision to take vengeance about his unresolved issues with my dad at that time. Life didn’t become fair for us when he didn’t consider the possible consequences of his quick decision that could impact us.

It was an enemy’s attack that created a downward spiral for me and my family. My dad and I didn’t know back then the reason behind that unwise step my uncle had made. And so I stopped to give way for my younger siblings to continue their studies. My dad became jobless. Then my mom suffered a mental anxiety disorder which propelled me to become the mother-in-charge of the house as of that moment while my mom is being taken care of my lola for her physical rehabilitation and fast recovery in the province.

And so in those moments of being an out-of-school youth, I indulged myself in doing significant things to help the family and ease the burden my father was shouldering in the best way that I can. This was one of the refinements in me that led to my early maturity. Dito ko lalong naunawaan ang reyalidad ng buhay. But even in the midst of our family’s bleakest situation, pinanghawakan ni tatay ang kanyang pananampalataya at ang Salita ng Diyos. He always tells me at that time, “Paul, kung ako lang ang tatanungin mo, matagal na dapat akong sumuko, pero tandaan mo may Diyos tayo. Hindi niya bibiguin ang sinumang nagtitiwala sa kanya, malalampasan din natin ang lahat ng ito.”

And we continued life from that day moving with endurance.

The Return of the Comeback. At dahil dun, pinili naming maging matatag, wala kaming opsyong mapagpipilian kundi iyon lang. Akala ko, wala na akong kinabukasan. And God has really made a way for me when there seems to be no way. Lumipas ang isang taon at huling linggo ng Oktubre nang taong yon, kinausap si tatay ng kapatid nya, nangamusta ukol sa mga buhay-buhay nila, tinanong kung nag-aaral pa daw ba ako at ano daw kinuha kong kurso. At umuwi si tatay dala ang balitang ang tiyo ko na daw ang magtutustos ng aking tuition fee hanggang makapagtapos ako.

At ayun, asikasong bigla, matapos ang mahabang paliwanagan sa registrar at lahat ng prosesong kailangang kong maisagawa sa madaling salita ay nakabalik akong muli. Nakita ako ng mga kaklase ko na nasa ikalawang taon na’t ga-gradweyt ng associate at nagtanong kung ano daw ang nangyari sa akin. Karamihan sa kanila’y nanghinayang pati mga propesor ko dahil maganda ang karera ko nu’n sa klase at bigla akong nawalang parang bula. They felt sorry about what happened in my family and they have just encouraged me na ituloy ang kurso at wag ko nang itigil pa na siya ko namang ginawa.

Dito rin sa puntong ito ay lumipat na ang skul namin sa bago nitong site sa Piccio Garden (yung color blue na building na tabi ng SLEX ngayon). Dun ko na naramdaman ang pagiging kolehiyo. Bagong gamit, bagong skul, bagong upuan, bago lahat.

Second Year.  Nung first sem, kampante pa ako kasi mahaba pa ang allowance ko for waiting for my OJT. Pero nung second sem, nagsimula na akong mainip dahil wala pa ding natawag sa akin.

This was a year of challenge to me dahil maliban sa kailangan kong bunuin ang 58 units sa dalawang semester na ito (29 units per sem), ay kailangan ko ding makapag-OJT for 420 hours at matapos ito bago dumating ang March to comply the requirement to be an associate graduate and to be qualified to become a third year student. Hindi ko masyadong naasikaso ang paghahanap ng ma-o-OJT-han nu’n dahil bumawi ako sa academics. And knowing na kung walang OJT, ay di ako makakatuloy, nagkaroon ako ng kaunting bagabag.

Syempre, ayaw ko nang itigil muli ang kurso dahil sa nakabalik na ako sa momentum ng pag-aaral ko. So, ginawan ko ng paraan. This was the very last option that I will choose if I will still not be hired by those aviation companies that I’ve passed my resume. And this happened.

It was February that my classmate and I resorted to pay a fake OJT certificate for the sake that we can have that only remaining requirement that we need to complete it all. And so I passed it on the registrar’s office and just waited for the results. But before that semester ends, tinulungan kami ng professor namin na mailakad ang resume namin sa kanyang asawang nagtatrabaho sa AirPhilExpress (now PALexpress) para may pansalo kami sa discrepancies na ginawa naming dalawa sa OJT certificate namin just in-case magka-aberya.

The next week a controversial issue had sparked on our engineering department. And the school’s administration made an investigation about this fake OJT certificate that’s pestering the registrar’s records. There’s this thing called qualifying exam to become a third year student and those students whom they would find this fake certificate in the screening day will not be permitted to take the qualifying exam and be apprehended to continue the course.

And so they’ve found out that they identified 12 students including me who have made that illicit act. We became floating students at that time and the coordinators have told us that we should wait for the decision of the registrar, the administration, and the deans for the consequence of doing such act. For in reality, we are subjected to be expelled from the school for such a grave misconduct.

Then, I prayed and fasted. I asked God that I may find favor in the sight of the professors (who will be the interrogators) on how we acquired that fake certificate, and be convinced in our acceptable reason in the premise of truth and veracity of what really happened and might consider it to pardon our misconduct.

The next day, the screening happened. Ginisa ako nung una sa toyo at suka. But I maintained my composure in the middle of the conversation knowing that God will favor my righteous cause. And so I just told the professors what really happened and I pleaded for them that they may consider my plight, and just as when an aviation company hires me to let me conduct my on-the-job-training there, I would replace the fake with a new, certified one. And the last interrogator had considered my plea because I became his student and he knows my attitude, character and performance in his class, and he guarantees that I can do what I’ve promised.

After all the dramas, the dean and the admin decided to make it pardoned and letting us students graduate and take the qualifying exam since this is the first incident that happened in our batch. I thanked them for their consideration. Then, I extend my deepest praises and gratitude to God when I arrived home.

Third Year.  While I‘m on my vacation, I was called by the aviation company my classmate and I have given our resume to our professor. Yung manugang niyang lalaki ang naglakad ng papel namin. We thanked our professor for the assistance she has given to us to her son-in-law. So after all the interviews and orientations, I started my first day at Airphil. Nakakatuwa lang dahil di strikto yung supervisor ko sa attendance, pwede akong pumasok any day at any free moment until I finish it.  I benefited so much at that opportunity that I became so flexible in my personal commitments and schedules.

Pang-hapon ang naging skedyul kong pinasukan dahil naubusan na ng slot para sa pang-umagang klase na siyang parating skedyul ko pag nag-e-enroll. Bagong mga kaklase. Bagong pakikisama. At dahil sa lower section ang dinayo ko, pinili ako ng mga kaklase kong maging representante ng aming seksyon dahl matino akong tigasin. Meaning, tiga-xerox ng assignment, tiga-kausap ng mga titser namin, tiga-lakad ng mga papasang assignment sa mga sa mga prof, tiga-balita kung di na magkaklase, tiga-post ng announcements. Hayun. For two semesters, ganun ang ginawa ko.

Dahil sa libangan ko din ang magbasa, nawili ako sa pagbabasa ng mga short stores written by various authors in our subject called Philippine Literature kasi tinadtad kami ng titser naming magbasa at unawain ang mga kwentong kanyang ipinapabasa. Which later in turn had influenced and improved my style of delivering and writing my essays na siyang pinapakinabangan ko hanggang ngayon (thank you po, Ma’m Tinay :D) maliban pa sa mga paraan ng pagpapahayag ng mga opinyon ng mga kolumnistang nababasa ko sa dyaryo tulad halimbawa ng Philippine Daily Inquirer.

Dun ko lang din napansin nang nagpa-evaluate ako ng mga grades ko, parating matataas ang mga minor subjects ko surfacing about Social Studies, Literature, at Filipino (which I like the most) tas yung mga majors naglalaro sa dos at walang kamatayang nag-iisang tres.

Matapos ang kulang-kulang anim na buwan, nakumpleto ko ang traning (na puro office work lang) at nakuha ko din ang aking OJT certificate, at ipinasa sa registrar. And at last, the issue about that thing was finally settled.

Fourth Year. Balik pang-umaga ako pagsampa ko ng huling taong ito. Si Lord talaga ang gumagawa ng paraan para di maapektuhan ang aking pag-aaral kahit napapabayaan ko iyon dahil sa dami ng commitments na ginagawa ko kaliwa’t kanan. Kapag sobrang pagod, di na ako pumapasok para makabawi ng pahinga (paminsan minsan iyon kada lunes). O kaya kadalasan kapag di ako makasakay ng jeep dahil punuan sa umaga, late na akong nakakapasok. Kapag ganoon ang nangyari, nakikibalita ako sa mga klasmeyt ko’t babalita nilang wala naman masyadong ginawa nang araw na wala ako, o di naman pumasok ang first class professor namin. Kung pumasok naman at may na-miss akong lecture, nakakabawi naman kaagad ako dahil tinutulungan ako ng mga kaklase ko. Its all because of His grace. I didn’t became worried as I have entrusted my last year to Him in my school. I found favor in the sight of my teachers and professors. And at last, the “tres” had vanished away.

Simula noong nakabalik ako nung second year hanggang ngayon, di ko na iniasa sa mga magulang ko yung aking pamasahe araw-araw. Nakakatuwa lang na maliban sa mga pinagkakakitaan kong mga (kung anu-anong matitinong) sideline noon, God has also touched other people to bless and support me financially which sustained my daily needs. Saka lang ako hihingi sa kanila pag talagang wala na akong pera. It came to my senses since then that money is really so hard to earn yet so easy to be spent so I have to use such tool wisely.

Lalo na nung nitong huling sem sa thesis ko (ay, namin pala) na sadyang nakapanlalata sa dami ng dapat ayusin at sundin. I said to myself, the life lessons I‘ve learned at this thesis writing cannot be harnessed overnight. It takes discipline, patience and endurance in order for me to accomplish a certain goal. It imparted and confirmed things inside of me. An individual who has meticulously and painstakingly made a research study or thesis will understand what I’m talking about.

I also honored God in my studies in terms of my finances. I see to it that I‘ll set aside quickly the tithe of my whole tuition fee as my auntie gives it to me at every start of the semester. Whatever belongs to Him must be given to Him. I applied this principle since then knowing that as I honor God in this aspect, he will guide me, provide for me, and take care of everything that which concerns me about my studies. And so I didn’t became so much surprised if the results were obvious. For it was just the expected. :)

God’s Goodness. No words can express how good God really is in my life. Life becomes so much better when you decide not to care so much.* Being aware that he’s taking care of me, I became confident that I‘ll finish this course successfully. In the midst of hard times, I just relied upon His grace and power to work on my behalf to get things accomplished. The more I am being pressured, the more I see to it that I should be relaxed and composed. Yes, there were times that I would just surrender and give up. But God.

That “but God” moments really pulled me up when I was almost being deeply drowned in every circumstance. Hindi na ako namroblema ng husto nang naunawaan ko ng husto ang revelation na iyon as I progress in my studies and as I grow in my walk with God as well.

Bloopers. Salamat sa mga jeepney driver na kapag sinenyasan ko ng aking kamao ay titigil sa harap ko dahil pasasabitin nila ako at pag pinalad-palad pa na walang bumaba, mula bahay hanggang Baclaran, nakaupo ako sa estrabo ng jeep. Gusgusin akong bata kapag pumasok. Self-defense ko kasi iyon. Sino ba naman ang papansin sa taong mukhang yagit ang itsura? Di halata kung saka-sakaling may daan-daan at libu-libo akong dala karga-karga ang attaché case ko? And speaking of my attaché case, subok na siyang matatag. Iningatan nya ang mga notbuk kong ginagamit simula pa noong first year. Dalawang bagong notbuk lang ang nadagdag sa tropang thunders. The new notebooks joined the group two years ago. Pinagmukha akong attorney ng bag ko na iyon pero di niya pinasakit ang likod ko. Di ko na talaga nagamit yung feature niyang self-defense mode (pambalya’t panghambalos) tsk. Tapos na pala kontrata nya sa akin. You deserve a peaceful rest after 6 years. Haha.

Pumapasok ako nang naka-crocs dahil ayaw ko gamitin yung aking nag-iisang black shoes na nirereserba ko sa parating na graduation.** At dahil dun, kinon-fiscate ng isang guard yung ID ko. Sa lahat ng limang guard na nagbabantay at nagpapasok sa akin ng halos isang semester na ganun ang suot kong sapatos (dahil marahil naintindihan nila na mas importante ang makapag-aral kesa sa ikunsidera ang panlabas na anyo), siya lang ang bukod-tanging nakasita. At sa madaling sabi, gumarahe sa OSA ang ID ko for the past 2 months. Yung mga klasmeyt ko nagtataka kung paano ako nakakapasok. Hehe. And speaking of that ID, hanggang sa mga oras na ito ay hindi ko pa din nakukuha hanggang ngayon. At wala na akong plano. Buong puso ko nang iniaatang sa kanila ang ID ko na iyon na ayaw nila i–release even though I followed all the requirements they need me to comply.

Salamat sa tres na pineapple juice na nagtitinda sa labas ng skul. Ikaw ang naging likidong sa aki’y nagbigay buhay.

The Conclusion. Those were the highlights of the important events that happened during my college days. Those memorable days that will forever be a part of my history. The moments of realization that imparted so much in my life. The demonstration of God’s faithfulness and goodness in me in the years of my study. As I reminisce all of those, it gives a smile on my lips. And I will just smile. For that smile will be a remembrance of my wonderful experience and becoming a part of my colorful history.

Hindi ko na inatim na mabigyan ng natatanging pagkilala. Even though that’s good, di ko na inasam. Sabi nga ni Dong Abay, “ok lang kahit wala kang honor. Ang edukasyon naman ay di paramihan ng diploma. trophy at medalya.” Ang mahalaga ay di ka mabubuhay bilang isang mangmang.

Pagbati ng Pasasalamat.  Lord, thank you for the years you have been with me. You deserve all the highest praises and glory in this another milestone you’ve helped me to reach.

Nais ko pasalamatan sunod ang aking mga magulang. Kung wala sila, wala ako. (malamang). :) Ang kanilang walang humpa’y na suporta’t panalangin ay hindi matutumbasan ng kung ano paman.

Kay Tito Rey at Tita Hilda, na pinamuhunanan ang lahat ng aking gastusin sa pag-aaral, at heto’t nagkaroon na ng bunga. Tulad nga ng banggit parati ni Papa sa inyo, ang Diyos na buhay ang siyang magbabalik ng lahat ng pinagkaloob niyo sa akin sa inyo.

Kela Pastor Rean at Ate Arlene, sa pagsuporta sa aking pamasahe noon weekly at kay spongebob (Celeron Laptop). Ang laptop na ito ang nagpatunay na mahirap mabuhay kapag walang U and I (you know what I mean. Hehe). Ang Panginoon na lang din ang siyang reresbak sa inyo para sa akin.

Kela Pastor Paul and Pastora Heidi, dahil po sa inyo, nabayaran ko na po lahat ng aking liabilities sa skul, Thank you very much po.

Sa mga kaklase ko na naging bahagi sa lakbaying ito, salamat din sa inyo. Magiging bahagi kayo ng aking magagandang alaala.

Sa mga tropa ng multicab drivers and operators na parating libre kapag sumabit ako o kapag nag-duty ako bilang dispatcher sa magagandang tip na binibigay nila sa akin kapag naninigil ako sa terminal namin.

Kay kuya Richard, sa tiwala sa pagmamaneho ng kanyang pampasadang multicab, pinansyal na suporta, at pakain after I drive Him home.

Gayundin sa mga kumare, ate, kumpare, kuya, mga “frends” and my leaders inside the church, sa mga nananalangin din sa akin (kung meron man). Lahat kayo’y may kontribusyon sa kung ano ako ngayon.

Consummatum Est. I know all of the graduates have their own story to share and tell on how they’ve endured and how they’ve gone through with their college days. But I can humbly say that my story is one of the stories that are worth sharing, and to justify the writing of this long (and probably-you-can-be-sleepy-because-of-this-lengthy) essay, worth recording. :)

Sila mama’t papa kasi, they never finished college. Wala silang makuwento sa akin on how they finished their promising courses they’ve taken back then. And in the future, just as I’ve found my “good thing” from the Lord, and we can have children, kapag nag-college din sila, I have a story to tell. :D

And at this moment, sa mga estudyanteng nag-aaral pa rin sa ngayon na makakabasa nito, panghugutan din nila ng inspirasyon at tapusin ang kanilang nasimulan kaakibat ang Diyos na siyang magiging kasama nila sa panahon ng kanilang pagkatuto. No sweet words. Just reality.  At least, may istorya akong masasabi. At least, may mga bagay ako na pwede kong maimungkahi kung kinakailangan bunga ng aking mga naranasan.

At may mayaman na kuwento akong maibabahagi…

kahit paano. :D

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*a quote form my sister abby’s cp.

**I have a new black shiny one. (yeah, na hindi ko pa din gagamitin). :D

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Ipinapaabot ko sa lahat ng mga ga-gradweyt ang aking maligayang pagbati sa mga katulad kong magsisipagtapos sa taong ito. Ang inyong inilaang pagpapagal ay nararapat bigyan ng isang makabuluhang pagbubunyi.

Sa Diyos ang pinakamataas na papuri!

"Shape Shifter."

Looks like you’re deranged.

No. They can’t.

Even if they try so hard to make you believe that you should accept and be passive on the things that you presently see. The world and this body. They are really desperate. Do they think I don’t notice it? They’re wrong.

The courses of action they want you to constrain. The convictions they don’t want you to follow. The leadings they want you to suppress.  The compulsions they’re pushing to you. The thoughts they want you to think of when you’re going through a decisive detail of every circumstance. The hallucinations they inject in you.

Oh, do you think that I will throw in the towel? Do you think I will just let them affect the decisions you are destined to take? Do they realize that this inner being they’re messing with is not like their other ordinary man that they can infiltrate with their blunt ideas, their mundane views, and their distorted perceptions?

Enough of their subtle techniques. Their pointless realities they want you to consider as if it were acceptable and tolerable. Even if they try to discourage you so hard about what you don’t like to feel and the exhaustion to do always what is necessary, even if they try to suck all out the enthusiasm inside of you, I will never let them do it.

They want to shape your thoughts on the things that are seen and be comfortable with it, no, be used to it, where in fact, that’s only a distortion of the real things to come. They will always devise tactics to persuade you that you have to live in the basis of facts. They will hit you so hard to diminish the truth that you firmly believe in and desiccate you in the long haul. They will incessantly inveigle you to make it a part of your reality.

Sounds like you don’t understand me. Yeah, probably, you’re puzzled at this moment but eventually you will get it in the process when this has become demystified.

You cannot interchange fact with truth. A fact is just a result of what others have proved. Truth doesn’t need to prove itself for it is established. And so you don’t have to rely on facts only for it can change and be altered. But you may curiously ask, “How can I distinguish fact from truth? They’re similar.” You’re right. Even the dictionary you’ve read defines it that way. But it operates the other way around. You can know it by having the peace that comes from that unseen Person that directs and counsels which they can never see nor they will ever experience, and the Word that is deposited and grounded in you letting the heaven’s will be manifested in you.

You are mandated to know the truth. And you know where you will find it. Ask it and always grasp it. Believe always on what the truth says about you. And when you’ve found it, it will always make you free.

The more they bombard you with inevitable facts, the more I will remind you of those unchangeable truths.

You are subjected to that divine authority from above. You are bought with a price. You are a slave to somebody else. You didn’t indulged yourself to the pleasures of this world since the day the breath of life was breathe on you. You’re doing it good a long time ago. Just continue it for the sake of the one who bought you, those who trust you, and those who consider you a great blessing in their lives.

I would always love to shape you, train you in a way you are called to be shaped in. I will never stop shifting your views, your opinions, your perspectives, your desires until it becomes perfected and be in line to the plans of the One from where I came from. Only if you will always permit me.

Why do you have to hallucinate? Just do a shift.

I’ve got control at it.

Respectfully yours,
Your Spirit.

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Inspired from the song, "Shape Shifter" by Local Natives.

"Duon Din Iyon Tutuloy."

Napaka-impokreto ko naman kung sasabihin kong di ako nag-a-aspire to have a special someone that I can give my heart to and to state it simply, a girl to whom I can express my love in the best expression I know right now because I‘m occupied with the things that I do and I have no time for that. And if you’ll witness the nature of the environment that I‘m living in and the things that I’m personally doing at this season of my life as a basis for justifying it, probably, you will agree on that statement.

         Pero natural lang naman siguro sa akin bilang isang lalaki na talakayin sa isip ko ang bagay na iyon paminsan-minsan. At matapos dumaan ang valentines day, sa lahat ng mga pangyayaring nakita ko bago dumating at pagkatapos ng espesyal na araw na iyon na related sa okasyong iyon, humantong ako sa paggawa ng isang repleksyon na nais kong ibahagi sa inyo (especially sa mga lalaking magbabasa nito) tungkol sa mga bagay na naintindihan at nakumpirma ko sa kung ano ang dapat ko munang gawin habang di pa kami pinagpapanagpo ng lubusan ni Ms. Right ni Lord.

I will continually love God with all of my heart, soul, and strength. 
That’s the first commandment according to the Law of Moses. That also applies to me as well as I prepare myself before pursuing the right one God has prepared for me. Sa Kanya ko parati mapa-practice ang pag-e-express ng salitang “pag-ibig” in how I respond in His unconditional love. 

And through the years as I have this deep, intimate, sincere relationship with God daily, the essentials that I need for a healthy relationship in the future with my future life partner is harnessed at this season of my life being single, devoting and delighting in God. It produces trust, loyalty, honesty, understanding, patience, dependency and purity.  Dahil mahal ko si Lord, di ako gagawa ng mga bagay na ikalulungkot Niya at ikadi-disappoint Niya. Ganun din kasi ang nararapat kong gawin kapag nariyan na siya. I am not perfect but all of it can happen by having His grace.

This is a fact. I cannot give what I don’t have. Kung di ko nagagawa kay Lord ang mga bagay na dapat kong gawin sa Kanya, paano ko iyon mae-express sa magiging nobya ko pagdating ng panahon?

Chill lang, dadating din iyan. 

Sabi nga sa Ecclesiastes 3:1, “To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.”  Pag sinabing “everything”, ibig sabihin, “lahat”, di ba? Kasama din dun malamang ang term na “lovelife”.  I know God has an appointed time for me when I will enter this phase. I should not be worried about waiting for the right time because there is a destined purpose. May trip kasi si Lord na mas maganda kesa sa gusto ko. I will just continually be doing the things I know I should do in preparing myself. 

Preparation time is always never been a wasted time. At ang paghahandang iyon ay respektibo sa buhay na aking ginagalawan. Nais kong maging karapat-dapat sa aking magiging nobya pagdating ng panahon. Na sarili kong sweldo ang aking ipangagasta sa date namin, na masaya kaming magsasama dahil may basbas ito ng aming mga magulang, na wala kaming nakalimutang obligasyon dahil ang lahat ng ito’y napunan at nagawa na. Ilan iyon sa mga bagay na nanaisin kong maganap bunga ng paghahandang itinatanim ko ngayon.

I will not be swayed by my emotions. 
Emotions are good but can deceive us and it may lead us into actions, decisions, and moves that will lead you to regrets sometimes. Pag emosyon ang pinairal ko, maaari akong dalhin nito sa mataas na tugatog ng pakiramdam na pwede kong maramdaman, at ilugmok ako sa pinaka-abang sitwasyon na puwede kong pagdusahan. Lagapakan sessions kung baga. Ito ay pansamantala’t hindi rin nagtatagal. 

Kapag balansyado ang emosyon at pag-iisip, mabibigyan ko ng tamang pagtrato ang babaeng nais kong makasama at hindi ko kailangang magpanggap dahil sa emosyon ang naging motibasyon ng aking intensyon. Madali lang sa akin ang magpakatotoo. At para di din ako paglaruan ng aking emosyon, kailangan may pamantayan akong pinanghahawakan, which leads me to state my next paragraph.

Seek Counsel. 

At saan pa ba ako makakakuha ng magandang payo at suwestiyon kung paano ko idi-deal ang mga bagay na ito? Mahirap magpakadunong at magmarunong. Nagtanong-tanong din ako sa mga tamang tao na sa tingin kong makapagbibigay liwanag sa akin. Dumayo din ako’t nakinig sa mga pagtitipong may talakayan ukol sa mga isyung ito at unti-unti akong naliwanagan sa mga bagay-bagay na dapat kong gawin. Ayoko din kasi magkaroon ng kalituhan sa aking isip at desisyon. 

There is safety in a multitude of counselors. Alam kong hindi pa ganoon kasapat ang aking nalalaman. Willing akong matuto at mas nanaisin kong madagdagan pa ang mga iyon. And those counsels do not only serve as an enlightenment, as God uses them for my definitive purpose, but it protects me as well from any wrong actions that I might do if I rely on my own wisdom.

Real Men are POGI. 
POGI is an acronym. Isa-isahin natin.

P-ure.  I should maintain myself not to indulge or be enticed by something that can make my purity be tainted.  I choose to be pure even when temptation strikes me the hardest. Soaking in God’s presence always gives me the strength to overcome every personal temptations and struggles of my flesh.  I must always subject my thoughts and actions under the authority of my Lord Jesus Christ. 

Sounds like SS? Pero yun lang ang pinaka-swak na solusyon kung paano ko lalabanan ang tukso at manatiling malinis sa paningin ng Diyos at hanggang sa dumating siya. Right thinking as well leads to right living. To have pure thoughts is one of the things that I should always think about. (Philippians 4:8). God is pleased in that.

Obedient. How I obey God’s word in my life faithfully reflects how I honor Him generally. How I obey my mother determines how I respect her. How I respond to those simple favors that my sister asks of me to do reflects how I treat her importantly.  

By responding on the individuals cited above with an obedient heart, this reflects how I importantly consider them and I’ll gonna treat them for the rest of my life. Kung paano ko sila kinukunsidera sa buhay ko ay ganoon ko din ikukunsidera ang magiging partner ko in life sa hinaharap.

Gentle. I should be gentle to the people that I know and be kind to those people that I don’t know.  I should be patient and and give understanding in dealing things, understanding the weaknesses and incapacities of every person and take the initiative to help and treat everybody with kindness.  Because that is how God guides us. Consequentially, I can also be more gentle to the woman who will stay with me for the rest of my life inspite and despite her shortcomings and inabilities and look always on her strengths.

Intense. In a sense that I will maintain this spiritual passion to stand firmly on my right convictions and principles, the zeal to live unconformed by the patterns of this world, have this unquenchable desire to be faithful and just, so that when the day comes that we will meet each other, it will be easy for me to offer and give my lifetime commitment that she solely deserves and treat her the way God treats her, different from the world’s perspective that’s hollow and superficial.



Maging Kapaki-Pakinabang. 

I will continually engage myself in doing significant things in this season of my life.  I will never let the day pass by without accomplishing something that’s worthwhile. Dahil dito’y nagiging produktibo ang aking oras, araw at panahon, nalilinang ko ang aking sarili at nagiging pagpapala ako sa iba. Sa gayon, lumilipas ang bawat araw na dumadaan sa akin ng may kabuluhan at katuturan. 

May mga bagay na mas kailangang atupagin ko muna sa ngayon. Maganda itong libangan para di ako mainip sa tamang panahong itinakda ng Diyos para suyuin ko siya. Besides, dahil nakasanayan na, kampante ang aking magiging kabiyak sa hinaharap kapag nagsama na kami’y alam nyang may silbi ang lahat ng aking gagawin at wala akong gagawing kalokohan. As if.

Understand What Love Really Is And What It Really Does. 
We are living in a society wherein love is implied the way it must not be defined. It is learned the way it must not be understood. Love is not what you see in those segments that are happening in telenovelas. Love is not defined on what you read in the pocketbooks or what you hear in those radio programs every night. Love is more than that. 

Let me cite to you what love really is. “Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous nor conceited nor proud. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of wrongs. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. It never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Love is a decision that must be acted upon and applied everyday. 

Having the understanding of what love really is, what it really does, and fortifying it always in this season of my life is a great way to make myself ready and deserve to have her in the future.

Be a Man. 
I want to be a man full of integrity and character.  I want to be a person who honors the word I’ve promised.  I want to be responsible and be careful to the things that I do. I want to make every details of my life be corrected and perfected. I want to be a man God has called me to be. And thank God he has given me all the time in the world on how I will make it transpired and fulfilled in my life through the daily applications of what I suppose to do by the choices I’m taking,  the commitments I’m engaging,  the decisions that I am making, and the path that I‘m walking. Time will always be my friend in working it out in my life. 

(“Love is waiting till you’re ready until its right...” J -Brooke Frasier). I will see every situation as an opportunity to exercise the vital things I must learn and apply to become a man, dump every unnecessary attitude and habits, acknowledge my weaknesses and change it for the better. As I incline myself in trying, proving, and experiencing the results of doing what’s necessary and just contributes a lot in processing myself to be a man and eventually end up being the right one to the woman who will be my recipient.


(statement in the parenthesis added by my sister).

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We are not bound up in the love scenes being plotted in our TV screens and on those love stories we see in those cinemas. May tunay na buhay tayong ginagalawan. Hindi sapat ang kilig para umusbong ang isang wagas na pagmamahalan. Hindi ko sinasabing alisin natin ang kilig. Ang punto ko lang ay importanteng meron kang batayang pamatay. 

Pamatay sa anumang pwedeng maglihis sa mga bagay na dapat mong isaalang-alang sa panahong ito ng paghahanda at pagpapatibay ng loob na kung saa’y ikinapaloob ng mga pahayag na nabanggit ko kanina. Kasi marahil siya din ay naghahanda din para sa iyo. Malay mo, pinag-pe-pray ka rin niya pala. At mas maganda kung dinadalangin mo ang kanyang buhay palagi kapag naaalala mo siya. (Ginagawa ko kasi iyon eh.) Kasi ‘pag si Lord ang naglakad sayo sa kanya, tapos na boksing.

Uunahan na kita. Hindi ako perpekto. At malabo din maging. Pero gusto kong maging karapat-dapat sa paningin ng Diyos. At kapag dumating na ang panahon, sa kanya para pagbigyan niya ng kanyang dalisay at wagas na pag-ibig. Karapat-dapat na pag-alayan niya ng kanyang tiwala, suporta at pagsunod, ng kanyang buong sarili. Karapat-dapat na makatuwang niya sa buhay. Karapat-dapat na makasama niya sa kaganapan ng kalooban at pagkatawag ng Diyos sa kanya. 

Karapat-dapat na makasama niya sa pagkatuto sa mga bagay na amin pang kailangang malaman. Karapat-dapat na makaramay niya sa panahon ng matitinding problema’t pagsubok na aming pagdadaanan. Karapat-dapat na makasama niya sa pagtupad ng aming mga pangarap. Karapat-dapat na makasama niya sa paghuhubog ng ugali at pagbibigay aral sa aming magiging anak at apo. Karapat-dapat na makapiling niya hanggang tumanda. Karapat-dapat mapasa-kanya. At magaganap iyon sa patuloy kong pagsasakatuparan ng mga bagay na kinakailangan kong gawin sa ngayon.



         And so these are the things that I’ve pondered before and after that event. I hope those who will gonna read this in one way or the other make this as a part of their perspective in life. Marami pa sana akong ibabahagi kaso hanggang dito na lang muna. 

Kung baga sa scope and limitations ng thesis, preparation and strengthening your views in life ang saklaw ng sulating ito. Baka kasi katulugan niyo sa haba, ayoko naman ng ganun. Lalo pa’t karamihan sa mga lalaki ay di mahilig magbasa unless hilig talaga nila.

Gusto kong tapusin ang sanaysay na ito kapag nagpanagpo na kami ni Ms.Right sa mga sumusunod na kataga.

Sa hinahaba-haba man ng prusisyon, kung tama ang preparasyon, sa simbahan din kami tutuloy. :)

"Sentimyento"

       Haaaaaah. Isang repleksyon ng aking malalim na bungtong hininga. Hindi ko na po alintana ang pagod at puyat na binigay ng thesis research na ito. Kailangan daw kasi para maka-graduate. Hanep. Sige. Pagbigyan kung ito ang kinakailangan. Sa totoo lang Lord, nakapanlalata ang buhay estudyante. Nakakapanibago. Wala na akong kain, wala na ding tulog. Halos hinugot na ang buong talino at lakas sa pagsasaliksik na ito. Pero ok lang. Ok lang ang lahat ng ito. Kung ito ang kailangan para matapos ko nang maluwalhati ang pag-aaral na ito, tatapusin ko ito ng maganda. Kung ito ang kinakailangan para hindi ako lumugmok sa kalagayang pinansyal namin ngayon, titiisin ko na lang. Kung ito ang kinakailangan para maging pagpapala ako sa mga taong nagpapala sa akin at sa mga aabutin ko pa sa hinaharap, sige, itutuloy ko ito ng may kahusayan. Sa kabila ng mga atakeng ipinupukol sa akin ng kaaway, magpapakatatag ako dahil ikaw O Diyos ang aking muog.

O Diyos, alam kong ang iyong biyaya'y sapat sa akin.

At ito'y magiging epektibo sa oras na higit kong kailangan.

Sa iyo O Diyos ko iniaatang ang nakapanlalatang gawaing ito.

Matatapos ko din ang lahat ng ito gamit ang iyong lakas.

At kung inihihingi ng sirkumstansyang aking ginagalawan ang aking buong sarili,

ay lalo kong hihingin at nanaisin ang presensiya mo O Diyos.

Dahil sa iyo, makakakuha ako ng lakas at katatagan na magpatuloy.

Matatapos din namin ito.

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Tiwala lang. Ang lahat ng bagay ay ginagawa ng Diyos para sa aking ikabubuti.

"Personal Pact."

        I saw this term at the opinion section from the newspaper Philippine Daily Inquirer last Thursday a week ago made by well-known professor and writer of the column, Mr. Randy David. He translated it from a familiar Filipino term "panata" which implies, “devotees who redeems a personal pact they make with God”. I just went on to read of his article to have a glimpse of idea of what he can say, being aware of the feast and its procession that is simultaneously happening at that moment. He cited that such event speaks of the people of expressing their intense faith and just be wondered at the collective energy created from the participants. He was wondering if that energy contained from there (when converted can turn into a collective power) could be harnessed into a positive force in building a prosperous nation and decent society. And my interpretation after reading it was, from an energy emanating from the innate being of every individual, as it is being contributed to a certain goal, can possibly produce a power that can be used, that will give people a source of strength and  consistency to make it manifest in our country. Which gives the author a hope that such power can be utilized in uplifting ourselves. That was a good view.

       After reading it, I felt such leading to expand it in a more relatable yet different perspective in the light of our present situation which I can hook up at this unique culture of spiritual fervor and the faith that I’m believing in.

        Here it goes.

      Yes. There is a possibility that the collective energy being gathered at that event can thrust the people to make it feasible. But we cannot rely on the energy being created on that event to make our nation prosperous and make our society decent and see our country changed. Why? It’s because the whole event is a reflection of pure human effort. And pure human effort falters. Humans are limited and it has a tendency to be unsteady in their purpose and action in the long run due to its nature of depravity that limits and pulls them back, after a certain thing that was reached, from where they left to (stressing it more at the socio-political aspect). If there’s no such thing inside of the people’s hearts that will push them to be consistent on their purpose and to live for what is necessary and just, complacency enters. And is wasted because it was taken for granted due to an unsparked and faltered endeavor.

       But there’s a solution for that. And good thing, as I’m living in its simplicity I found its beauty.

     I’m a Christian. A Born-Again Christian who believes at the finished work of, and has an intimate relationship with, Jesus Christ and lets Him reign in my life and makes me change for the better. I let Him replace my weaknesses with His strength. I give to Him my sins and failures and gives me His righteousness as an exchange. My inconsistencies to His steadiness. Being aware of what “grace” does and who “Grace” is that sanctifies and strengthens me, I can do things which are perfectly right and exceed more beyond the scope of my limits. The mere fact that I cannot always be steadfast in the things that I do due to my imperfections and limitations makes me more convinced to come to Him that I may receive His fullness.

       And now Christ’s power enters. He bestows that power (which is not magical nor mystical, but spiritual that invades the natural) to those who believe in Him. That power changes and transforms the decadent attributes of our being and any form that is connected to evil to become righteous.  And that is the very same power that raised Christ from the dead. It is powerful indeed that it can break every chains, cast down any stronghold, and remove any dominion that is against the will of God. Knowing that I’m not perfect, acknowledging my weaknesses, I boast at it all the more and Christ’s power becomes activated in me. That power never fades in its capability, never wanes in its capacity, and never hesitates to create possibilities. That power is independent, purely divine that never diminishes because it is being given by the Creator of the universe that’s all-powerful. And that power is living inside of me.

      The reason why I shared it is this.

    That power is perfect to create a positive force, suitable for us who are hoping that this country will rise again. We can never hope at the promises of those who govern us. We can never hope at the possibility that the expectation of change that we wanted will be retained because no transformation has occurred from the inner selves of those who pioneered such change back then, and the disappointment that a shrunken expectation brings has proved it futile because the consistency of its purpose had faltered. It’s all because of pure human effort. For example, we have achieved freedom from dictatorship but still remain as a slave of injustice, poverty, and selfishness. We have limited power to achieve it, and just in case we have achieved it, we are deficient to fuel up consistency to preserve it.

      So where else can we find hope?

      We can find it in Christ and his power empowering ourselves. And having the revelation that receiving Him means we receive His power as well, it will first change our lives and it will shift our perspective from settling for less and live in compromise to do what is necessary, right and just. And eventually, it will be an outflow of our hearts to be decent and we will become prosperous in everything we do. It will also give us the strength that will make us consistent to maintain it consequentially. Good ideas are really good especially when transpired. But the consistency of sustaining it is what really matters. We cannot be consistent. That’s where His power through His grace will now take its effect.

      Panata is not observed in the faith I belong in. And the divine old book has stated that Christ has done it all. Therefore, I don’t have to do so much work and effort in order to please God. I don’t need to perform something to call God’s attention and ask for a miracle.  I am accepted by God and I can come boldly to Him because of Christ which He sees inside of me.

       Then, corollarily speaking, I came to a point to see Panata on a different angle.

        Let it be clear, there’s no such thing in the Bible that it must be observed.

       But we can rectify its purpose behind it and apply under the context of the Word of God. We can make a personal pact with God. But at this point, it will not be on our own effort. And that Panata will not be done out of our strength. It is through the power of Christ that will give us the energy for empowerment to carry out the good and great things we aspire under His will and do it consistently and continually. Rather than exercising annually a no-pain-no-gain belief and have the goal to touch a wood carved image that carries a cross (which the devotees relate themselves their personal plights to) which God has never ever intended for us to do.

      If that’s opposing evil and injustice, stand on what’s right. If that’s serving people, serve them well. If that’s appreciating the people around you, honor them. If that’s honesty, do it with truth. If that’s helping other people reach their dream, be a vessel. Devoting ourselves to any good thing that will benefit in a personal aspect, us and others, and in the political aspect, our country. Having the understanding that Christ empowers us, we can do it consistently. You do it unto the Lord, not as for men. And we will never falter. God is more likely to be pleased in that, because His Son helps us to transpire it.

     Taking it on a more personal note, I realized that I’m unconsciously doing it. Personal pact with God in my Christian walk can probably be deciphered as, “a response of faithfulness and consistency to the things He has entrusted me to do.” That may explain the reason why I do the things that I personally do. And take note, I do it not on my own effort. I’m limited.

       Oh, but Jesus. And His grace. It suffices it all. And the best thing in my part is that I do it out of my love for Him.

        The reason why i'm doing it back then was a mystery, but it is now revealed.

       And when this is practiced into the personal lives of every individual who knows that they have a part to play, it can bring change in our society.

      If every people will just grasp the gravity of what I’m telling here, no doubt, it can be possible.

     As the reason behind this Filipino culture has been corrected and modified by the things I’ve shared earlier, Panata can be expressed properly as it is been guided according by God’s word.

   As we see the importance of Christ’s relativity in our daily personal lives, it can bring a tremendous transformation.

      And to justify my title, if each of every one of us will make a personal pact with God, that we will pray and act for the betterment of our nation, it can bring social change.

      Therefore, what Mr. Randy David is expecting of energy that can be harnessed to be a positive force to build a prosperous nation and a decent society, when we used the right power to attain it, without a doubt, will be transpired someday. 

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Credits to the writer of the column, Mr. Randy David.

His in-depth analysis and reflections about the country makes me his avid reader.

To have insights on what his reflection was about the feast of the Black Nazarene,
please visit this site.
opinion.inquirer.net/69131/culture-faith-and-the-black-nazarene‎
entitled, "Culture, faith and the Black Nazarene."

To God be the glory. :)